Be Present to Conquer Your Fear of Change
By Timothy Thompson in Awareness on January 29th, 2010 / No Comments
Being simply present and holding a respectful attitude that includes being willing to help but not being pushy about it, along with a compassionate understanding of the person’s difficulties go a long way towards gaining a friend in need rather than an enemy with an attitude.
Every person is anchored by their beliefs for good or bad. Everyone experiences difficulty at some point, some more severe or consistent than others. It is the anchoring beliefs in a person’s life that determine how that person will react when faced with challenges.
If you develop the unshakable power of presence when around a suffering person, you become the realest, most substantial thing in his or her life for a time. You are the rock that the sufferer relies on to provide answers or insight, solace or support, clarity or the dissolution of obstacles. Really, being unshakably present just allows the other to fully express the amazing power of knowingness we all possess, which is the the first step in changing the causes of suffering into inner wisdom.
In Buddhist tradition, suffering is given the name of dukkha, which is derived from the earlier duskha, meaning uneasy. The Buddha himself reportedly observed that:
Birth is dukkha, aging is dukkha, death is dukkha.
Sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, and despair are dukkha.
Association with the unbeloved is dukkha.
Separation from the loved is dukkha.
Not getting what is wanted is dukkha.
He elaborated further, classifying dukkha into three categories, sometimes referred to as:
- Direct pain like physical pain, illness, old age, death and bereavement.
- Pain and suffering caused by change or the intransitoriness of happiness.
- Reactive pain to others in pain themselves or to inherent limitations imposed by existence and consciousness.
When it comes right down to it, suffering is usually brought on by an adverse reaction to change.
Hardship is neither particularly positive or negative in universal terms. The universe keeps on churning out potential disasters fraught with danger or opportunities for happy fulfillment depending on how you look at them. The only constant in life is that everything changes. Fear change and attempt to resist it and you will suffer. Believe that the change that you experience in your life is mostly just a way to experience more pain and you will suffer even more.
Take it even further by attempting to dictate to the gods what and how you will take your change and you will fall prey to what ancients in the Greek world recognized as hubris (overweening pride) and hamartia (error or sin). Dictating change for yourself and others exposes the central flaw of the human ego, as we have observed in numerous dictators of change in the persons of Attila the Hun, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong-il, Idi Amin, and Slobodan Milosevic.
Fear of change can be mild or severe, and can have an impact on only you or on millions.
Assuming for the moment that you are not some monstrous tyrant ready to cause suffering to millions in the pursuit of living out your worst fears, how can you begin to conquer your fears in a way that eliminates anxiety and painful effort?
The following are offered as a guideline to achieving that goal for yourself. This method takes a willingness to be honest with yourself and to ask questions that may not have readily apparent answers all the time. Persevere and you will be rewarded with a healthier awareness of change and a willing acceptance of it as a means to grow from experiences that require heartfelt change.
Identify your fears around change.
- What situations or persons do I hold onto no matter what?
- What or who am I willing to let go?
- Am I anxious or uptight about either holding on or letting go of them?
- Will I show weakness to myself and others if I change my attachment to holding on or letting go?
- Can I experience change with joy and anticipation?
Identify what it takes to truly change.
- Where does my passion come from?
- Am I willing to seek it out by doing whatever it takes?
- Can I be open to change as an instrument of self-growth and realization?
- What do I modify in my thoughts, beliefs, actions, or relationships that will make that so?
If you answered “no” or “I don’t know” to any of the last group of questions, you are not ready to attempt to conquer your fear of change just yet. Be patient, observe in your life where failing to change means increased suffering or pain in some form, and find ways to work with your fears to balance them to the point of being neutral. When you have a state of neutrality regarding your concerns, come back to this exercise and begin again. Do this process as many times as it takes to be able to clearly identify your passions and to answer “yes” to the other questions.
Put it all together.
Working with your fear of change requires an honest desire for a better life as well as self-awareness, energy, and committed resolve. You don’t need to trick yourself into it, but you may find that a good amount of creative flair and a playful attitude will go a long way towards achieving your goal. You may uncover many beliefs about change that either directly or indirectly inhibit your ability to roll with the punches when required to do so. Take your time.
Be present and practice presence on yourself and others to see how suffering affects us all. Understand that sometimes change is beyond our control and that it can bring serious situations that are full of misery for all concerned. Your ability to fearlessly handle day-to-day change will ultimately prepare you for the times in life when pain and suffering seem inevitable.
About the Author
Timothy Thompson is a professional freelance writer/editor whose work with Dream Manifesto helps illuminate life for online and offline audiences around the world. He currently makes his home in southern California and is working on several content writing and editing projects. Visit Thompson InkWorks for information.
